M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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