So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
