About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
