Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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