...so i touched it.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
