then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
