Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Randomize
