Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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