we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize