Betty ford says i'm here all night
no. you can't hotbox the world.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize