His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
