They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
