The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
