apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
