I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize