I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
