How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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