i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
