i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I want you more than these girls want KFC
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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