So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
