If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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