I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize