I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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