i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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