u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
