I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize