Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
i need some magic done to my vagina
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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