Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
