I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize