Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
