There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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