your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
