upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
A bitchslap is in order.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
