Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
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