He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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