I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
