cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Randomize
