Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
How external is "for external use only"?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
