I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
