I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
