i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
