Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Randomize