watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
