I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
