So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize
