its not stalking. its research.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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