doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
