there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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