My room smells like vodka and shame
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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