dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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