I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I am midnight drunk by noon
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
