That's intense
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Randomize
