I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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