note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
