I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
