You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize