wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
