My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
