It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
