You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I don't deserve a penis
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
