Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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