Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
