I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
