I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize