I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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