I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
