We're facebook friends in real life
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize