Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
